What is happening to my life actually?!???
People always asked me why I still stay in the same school when I was in form 4 and why I don't moved to the other school like what I've been offered. Yep, I've been offered to a very good school which all my good friends are moved to that school. Oh what courses did I've been offered?!???? Civil engineering. Yep that freaking engineering!!! Why you ignore that offer?!? Why...Why
BECAUSE I WANNA BE A DOCTOR
Mom asked me why I just don't go to the University that I've been offered last year and why I wanted to go to matrics so much. Why I am so eager to go to matrics while my brother is not fully finished his programme when he was in matrics. Why...why...
BECAUSE I WANNA BE A DOCTOR
What is so good to be a doctor?!??
What is so special to be a doctor?!???
Why everyone is trying so hard to be a doctor?!???
/In matrics/ /sem1/
"What are you guys going to be after this?!?????"
*Doctor* *Pharmacist* *Microbiologist* *Dentist* *Zoologist* *Vet*
BECAUSE I WANNA BE A DOCTOR
/sem2/
"What are you guys going to be after this?!????"
"Don't know yet, just follow the flow"
*giggles*
This is how everyone's reaction after studying half medical subject. With all those biochemistry, your heart system, how your urine is formed, what sound of your heartbeat, how photosynthesis occurs, what bacteria is good and what bacteria is bad, the shape of bacteria, what the specific name of frog, what the specific name of other animals and plants, how medicine is completely alternate with your enzyme, how the gaseous exchange when you are breathing, what happen to your myosin and troponin in muscle fibre when your muscle is having contraction, how your immune system beat the virus and everything happen in your body. Too much facts need to be digest but too little time you have. But i did enjoyed. Why...why...
BECAUSE I WANNA BE A DOCTOR
But with the results that will be released in less than 15 days, are you sure I can be a doctor. No, I really can't be a doctor and not qualified to be one. And I don't know what course did I qualified too. So freak out with my future. I feel like wanna cry for the whole my lifetime
And I just really hope Allah will give me the strength to receive the results from the postman who is going to appear infront of my house. I just hope I can really digest what is happening. I hope I can still smile and grateful as all the rezeki are come from Allah and no matter what happen I have to say Alhamdulilah.
Redha.
Semoga aku kuat.
Tell me
Can you tell me what is happening to me?!???????????
Can you tell me what is wrong with my body?!???????
Can you tell me what is happening to my body system?!??
Can you tell me what is happening to my organ?!??????
Semenjak habis matriks, aku tak rasa nak makan. Kalau makan, mesti tak habis.
THIS IS NOT THE REAL NAQIBAH.
This is not the Naqibah that everyone would say "kau ni tak kenyang kenyang lagi ke?"
This is not the Naqibah that would finish her moist chocolate cake everyday and ate em at 6am
This is not the Naqibah who would spend all her money to food
This is not the Naqibah that known as "perut tong"
This is not the Naqibah who is still going to eat nasi lemak even it is at 2 am
Dissapointed with myself how my appetite disappear like that. Well, i know how hard i'm trying myself to stop eating as my weight increases like hell but this is not normal. Gimme back my appetite to eat everything. Ye betul, kehidupan tu macam roda.
Tula dulu taknak bersyukur. Lesson learnt
Clueless
This is what happen when Alya and I are clueless about our future. Alya's and my mom are planning to send us to medical school in Indonesia. I told ya again okay,MEDICAL SCHOOL. Like are u kidding me?!???!??!?!????? Yep, to become a doctor is my dream since standard 4 and to be into medical school is something i can't express it here. And Alya be like
"Weh kita sebenarnya deep down memang nak. Sangat nak. Tapi bila fikir all those struggles and hardworks.....yeah....."
Yeah being lifeless for the whole lifetime but you can feel the bliss of your life. Helping those people needed. Being the superwomen who helps those needy
Damn, i really wanna be a doctor.
There's so much pros and cons and it makes me crazeeyyyyyhhh. Takpelah kita tengok results. Haih bila dengar results ni lah macam
"I better die now than make my parents feel so down or causes them of heart attack"
Terima kasih
Terima kasih. Terima kasih sebab sedarkan aku. Terima kasih buat aku macam ni. Terima kasih atas segala pembohongan kau. Terima kasih atas harapan yang kau bagi. I really mean it.
Sebab apa?!????!?,?
Sebab Allah nak aku lagi dekat dengan Dia.
Dia nak aku hanya fikirkan pasal dia je. I told ya guys at the first place, Allah ni sweet sangat.
Walaupun aku agak heartbroken tapi aku sedar lah jugak. Everything happens for a reason.
Dah la
Asyik asyik cerita pasal cinta manusia yang entah kemana. Padahal kita ada Allah yang cinta dia dekat kita beyond infinity gituw
Tawakkal
Mimpi paling ngeri adalah bila kau mimpikan pasal result finals kau.
Aku sedar aku tak buat yang terbaik time exam. All those questions are driving me crazyyyyy. Tapi tbh i really put the best effort. Bangun 8 pagi dan tidur pukul 5 pagi. Boleh kira berapa jam je aku tidur. Mungkin tak cukup.
Cuba teka siapa nangis time exam sebab soalan macam hareeeeem sangat?!
Yep me. Aku takut. Kalau pointer tak cukup nak masuk university dan course yang kita suka. Aku takut apa future aku nanti. Aku takut aku akan jadi apa lepas ni.
Then i realized, apa guna aku belajar selama ni sebab nak semua tu. Aku bukan cakap semua tu tak penting. Aku bukan cakap we should take all these for granted. Aku takut. Aku cuak. Sumpah. Tapi the most important thing is what we get. Apa input kita dapat and how we would apply it in our daily life. Kita belajar bukan saja saja pun. Kita belajar bukan untuk exam kan?
Tapi sudah semestinya kita nak yang terbaik. Kita nak buat something untuk diri kita. Untuk ibu bapa kita. Untuk masyarakat kita. Untuk sedara sesama islam kita. Takkan kita taknak tolong dieorg?
Semoga aku, kau dan kita semua dapat input dan tolong orang lain dan dapat keputusan yang best untuk result kali ni. Moga Allah redha because He knows the best. Percayalah
Kenangan terindah
Express your thought in blogger is like talking to someone who don't give a damn about my feelings but i really don't mind nyehehe and......
Guess who is survived her matric's life?!???!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?
Yep me yeppppp. Matric's life is like the best phase in my life. The best for now i could say. The ukhuwah between one another is really awesome and i couldn't ask more than that. I really make a lot of friends. Kadang kadang sampai tak tahu nama. We are really friendly with one another ok. Kawan study lain, kawan lepak lain, kawan gelak gelak lain, kawan serious lain, kawan tido lain. Yep, i really have a lot of friends :-)
And the lecturers are so cooooooool. Best sangat that you could hug them everyday. Well, i am a good hugger kan? Hahahaha the lecturers are so strict but i realized why they do that. Yep, for our success journey. Not only in matrics but for the upcoming journey. I am so thankful that I have given the best over the bestest lecturers walaupun bagi homework belambak. I do love u guys :*
Budaya belajar is somewhat you can't seen anywhere. Even the first day of class, they were studying like tomorrow is exam day. Struggling like there's no tomorrow. Homework jangan cerita lah, sampai pukul 3 pagi pun tak siap dan kau nangis air mata darah sekalipun takkan siap beb. Masa sem 1 memang nak gila ah siapkan homework. Naik sem 2 tiru je.
Matriks mungkin tak best dari mata kau tapi siapa pernah mengalaminya, itu adalah kenangan terindah. Bak kata akak akak senior
"Lepas ni kat uni semua buat hal masing masing. Yang ada boyfriend lagilah. Matriks paling best and i wannna turned to my matric's life back"
Tbh, aku tak pernah rasa tua bila duduk matriks. Aku rasa macam aku budak kecik. Yep aku still main lari lari kejar kejar dalam matriks. Buat kerja gila. Sakai sakai dalam matriks. Yela kat uni nanti mana boleh macam ni. Nanti orang mengata pulak kan?
We may have a lot of rules. Curfew pun sampai pukul 7 pun and it's all about discipline and we are not exposed to social lifestyle. Biasa biasa jewppp
Yep, i really love my matric's life. Mmuaaaaxxxxxx
Acah acah doktor
Aku ambik scalpel dan belah kulit kepala dia perlahan lahan. Aku taknak tergesa gesa. Lepas kulit kepala dia terbuka aku gunting kuat kuat tengkorak dia. Keras. Aku give up tapi aku nak sangat tengok benda merah putih tu- otak.
Maafkan aku pororo. Aku bukan Dr.Naqibah dan aku mungkin kejam tapi aku ada sebab. Moga kau tenang disana.
Pororo's kidney
Before messing up its organ
Pororo's heart
"Cara awak bedah, memang hancur"
"Sebab tu saya takut nak jadi doktor. Takut manusia mati dalam tangan saya"
Trying
Seems like you won't be able to wait for me but I don't care I am happy for you. I know, i have to move on at the first place but damn, my mind couldn't stop thinking about you. I try, don't worry bcs i will slowly get out from your life and you'll be outta from my mind. Thanks for all the memories. Thank u so much for cheering me up when i had my rough time and stand my annoyingness. I know it won't be the same of you after this. I know all your "only you" is totally bullshit. Sorry but not sorry
Janji
I miss you so much and I can't find any of my free time to contact with you but trust me, I never missed reading your craps on social networks because you are too adorable!! And I hope we can catch up later-after the last day of my matric's life.
-Okay?
-Okay
Sedar sikit, tolong
Tahi betul semua perasaan malas ni. Dan tahi betul pada diri sendiri yang tak boleh lawan malas. k0 ni tak sedar sedar lagi ke hah?!???????? k0 hengat k0 pandai ke wadduh. You won't go anywhere without a good effort of yourself, Naqibah. This is the final destination of your matric's life. Goodluck dearself. I know you can do the best from the best you've done before this because you are fucking strong!!!
Selamat berjaya wahai diri. Medan perang akan bermula dalam beberapa hari lagi. Moga antibodi dan mental kau terus kuat!
Don't give up
I've been so stressed out for these past two weeks due to my bad attitude. I mean like i am really a bad girl, bad servant, bad daughter, bad friend and the most important is bad student. I don't know how to overcome my lazziness. I hate myself for being too lazy. I don't know how to ace finals which is like less than a month. I can't see my future clearly. I am here, in matrics for my future and not for my parents. I am here to gain knowledge because it is ibadah. I am here to change my fate ((maybe)) if Allah will. I am here to help people in the future. That is why i am dissapointed with myself why i cant overcome my lazziness. This is too much, Naqibah. I admit that twitter has become the biggest distraction in my life. So if you realized where my account have been to, i deactivated it. Yep, again i have that habit; deactivated twitter account when you realized your life is totally fucked up. I come here blogging to express because i keep it way too long and nobody wants to hear me babbling about life because i am annoying and it will annoyed them much. Let's just pray that Naqibah ((me)) will change to a better person especially as a good servant, daughter and student because i know i can do the best. It's ok though it is too late. Promise me Naqibah, that you will survive. No matter what happen and no matter how hopeless you are.
Salam stress :-)
Chin up dear self
Trying so hard to hide what I feel right now but I just can't. So here is the best place to express everything. I don't care if you wanna judge me because really, I don't give a damn though I know no one is going to read this piece of crap.
Keep smiling, though your heart is hurt
Keep smiling because it's sunnah
22th March 2014, 2.30am
I hate this kind of feeling; being unloved by the people you gave your heart to. Where are you when I need you the most? Where are you when my days are totally fucked up? See, you are not even there for me. But when you are suddenly come to my life after such a long time, I forgive you. It's not fair. Just not fair. So if you are asking me why I gave up on you after this, you have to know that I am tired of trying; trying so hard till my heart hurts like hell.
It really hurts. Salam
Insecurities
Girls love attention and insecure with other girls around em and sometimes it really annoys me. Sumpah rimas. I mean like, be yourself act like nobody cares. It is better than have low self esteem. Lek ah, kau nak insecure insecure pun nak pergi mana?!???? Kau ingat orang kisah pasal kau?!????? Duh get a life please. Memang lah kadang kadang insecure but just control yourself. Be confidence and you will looks more beautiful. Trust me ^^
Going insane
And here I am again, in the middle of night, missing you. The word of 'night' and 'you' has become a perfect combination. I just wanna say, I love u too.
Late night thought
The feeling that you can't deny and hide anymore because it really hurts your heart so much till you can burst into tears. Yep, the feeling of missing someone but you can't do anything about it. The feeling of you wanted to text him first but you can't to do so or else you''ll be called as desperate girl.The feeling of sharing your problems but you can't have him to comfort you is just sucks!!! What are you trying to do with me?!??? You left me here missing you like crazy while you are not even bother me. Not even have an effort to text me first. You know what, I am done trying. I am so done. And please, don't ever come to my life anymore. I'm in progress to forget about you. Though i know, it's not that easy but I'm going to try. Well, life is not that easy right?!??
Life
I miss everything and everyone that I used to be with when I was in high school life but it seems like hectic life in college is so much more better. I learnt everything. Life has it's ups and downs and the cycle is keep going on.
Frankly speaking
When I was 10, I used to love footballs and my favourite club was Manchester United. Yep, I have the jerseys and everything about MU like watches, bag and etc. I used to remember all the players' name and my favourite player was Cristiano Ronaldo. I used to watch the match everytime MU is on the game. I used to fangirl with my big bro. In other words, I really love MU and footballs but when I was 13, I observed that girls who love footballs or soccer or whatever that shit is seriously fake. And at that time my love towards MU become fade because I don't wanna be fake though I know I have to be myself. And after all I found myself, that my love towards MU is not that big compared to anyone else. But I don't say that all girls who love footballs are fake but most of them, yep. They just want to make sure that they are their boyfriend's taste so that their boyfriend will love her and don't want to lose her. Ha ha ha desperate faker
I am weird
You can call me crazy, but I love being stressed out about something. I think all my good hormone will secrete faster and transmit to my brain and the brain will stimulate the action very fast. I like that kind of situation, I can no more procrastinate on my works. Well, that's me; weirdo Qyba
Late night thought
Because I couldn't deny this feelings anymore. I love u. Yep, I love u really hard. But if he likes me, why he didn't have an effort to whatsapp or text me when I need him the most? Terang lagi bersuluh, awak syok sendiri Qyba. Dah dah, hidup perlu diteruskan. Let him in your fantasy world, Qyba.
PUAS
"Tak matriks lah kalau tak menyesal masuk matriks"
Yep tbh i did menyesal tapi dah ni jalan yang kita pilih. Jalan yang kita nak. There's just no turning back. Memang la belajar tu susah. Banyak kena berkorban. Belajar mana mana pun sama susahnya.
Final exam haritu memang susah. Balik balik dari exam hall dan kawan kawan aras 1 blok polaris, iaitu blok aku pasti akan menjerit. Termasuk aku. Menangis? Ah itu biasa. Menangis time exam itu normal. Kadang kadang aku terfikir juga sama ada aku yang bodoh atau soalan tu yang susah tapi bila semua kata susah, aku ok. Mak beberapa kali cuba menenangkan aku dan suruh aku lupakan tentang soalan yang menyakitkan hati itu.
Tapi janji aku puas. Aku dah buat yang terbaik. Aku tak kisah aku dapat berapa pointer sekalipun. Sebab aku tahu aku dah buat yang terbaik. Sebab time study week dengan exam week:-
Setiap hari aku nangis sebab freak out sangat.
Setiap hari aku nangis sebab aku rasa stress sangat.
Setiap hari aku nangis sebab aku dah tak boleh nak hafal fakta fakta bio
Setiap hari call mak sebab cuak sangat sambil nangis nangis
Setiap hari rasa tak puas nak nafas sebab gastric
Setiap hari tidur 3 jam
Setiap hari bilik bersepah dengan kertas kertas
Setiap hari tak basuh baju pastu end up bawak satu baldi kain kotor balik rumah
Setiap hari tak gosok baju sebab rasa macam tak cukup masa
Sebab kenapa aku puas?
Sebab aku dah usaha tapi aku taklah sampai tahap maximum. Aku tahu aku boleh push lagi diri aku. Mungkin ada orang tak payah belajar pun dsapat results gempak tapi kita ni separuh mati tak dapat results yang membanggakan. Kau rasa sebab apa?!? Sebab Allah sayang. Allah ada banyak rancangan untuk kita. Aku redha. Biar Allah buat kerja dia. Mungkin results tak bagus tu bukan sebab Allah tak dengar doa kita tapi Allah ada rancangan yang lagi bagus. Tak, Allah tak kejam. Allah tu sweet. Sweet sangat :))))
One word; Free
PSPM IS OVERRRRRRRR
And now I just knew what PSPM stands for. Yep, Peperiksaan Semester Program Matrikulasi hehehehe silly me. PSPM is over and that means semester 1 also is over. Ya Allah, time flies too fast but I'm not regretting it. I've done my best. I choose this way. I choose to be here, in kms. And I really do not regret it. The best of 18 weeks and I am so goin to remember every second of it <////3
